Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right
An old room mate is coming to town to visit us. We've known him a long time. He's an interesting character and a confirmed atheist. We've had the philosophical conversations a few times. There was a time when I thought some seeds were sown during these talks. Now, I am simply waiting for the Holy Spirit to tap him on the shoulder and say "Boo." I doubt that anything less than that would penetrate his defenses. Ahh, but I digress.
This fellow believes that two wrongs DO make a right.
It was a normal chat about room mate stuff that brought his viewpoint to light. It was a tightening in my gut when I realized that there was a record of wrongs retained against such a time as this. My requests were essential. If we were going to be continued room mates, some adjustments MUST be made. What kind of adjustments and when and where were all on the table--but to claim that no requests would be honored because of past problems from US? News to me, man. News to me.
Tracing my path back through past interactions revealed a lot of other questions. How much instigation had occured so that we'd misstep or mis-speak? When he got that smug smile, was that the moment when he'd cancel the obligation of being courteous? How far back did this whole thing go?
Suddenly there were coworkers whose behavior was iluminated. So THAT"s why my boss began to ignore my requests. And that relative who just frustrated me to tears - now I know why! It wasn't everyone who had disrespected me. Just a select few. It was enough to search for this pattern and pray against it in the Name of Jesus. At this point, I've had enough of this mentality. It's not like I"m instantly going to be perfect. Normal living gives them 'ammunition'. Relations with them stretch into improbable shapes.
The bible does have a thing or two to say about this. First of all the definition of love from 1 Corinthians says "It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." That Paul was led to remark on record-keeping suggests that Paul had rude experience with this. I would love to hear the particulars that inspired Paul to write that phrase in his letter to the church at Corinth.
Jeremiah remarked, " LORD, you understand; remember me and care for me.
Avenge me on my persecutors. You are long-suffering—do not take me away;
think of how I suffer reproach for your sake.
16 When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight,
for I bear your name, LORD God Almighty." [Ch. 15:14-16]
That's something I need to remember, myself. I bear His Name. I'm a Christian, a little Anointed One. This is a difficult matter, requiring much wisdom. I suspect that I'm not the only one who has run into this.....
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Martha L Shaw on -
I try to live by the Corinthians quote you mentioned, and also the "forgive me as i forgive others." Gosh, the idea of someone keeping a list of anything you've ever done to upset them. Yikes. I remember going to a conference on the Holy Spirit and the man giving testimony spoke of repenting of something to the Lord. He on a later occasion felt suddenly full of guilt on this same offense and again prayed about it. At this second point on the same forgiven offense, the Lord clearly spoke to him in his heart. He heard "I have no memory of that." I'm thankful our only real judge loves us that much.
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Permalink Reply by Tami on -
What a sorry state, to keep a checklist to try and balance wrongs. I have lived it and it is not easy. I also understand, Martha, what you are saying. We try to live as Jesus lived, but we are destined to fail as we are human, and to have that thrown at us, that we failed. The guilt and anguish in the mistake. Jules and Martha, I will pray for both of you.
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Permalink Reply by Martha L Shaw on
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Thank you Tami! I'm more vulnerable this time of the month to people claiming I'm a failure. I know where such attacks are coming from, but being long term without income and in human terms getting near disaster, I fight seeing myself as theSatan's gang tries to make me see myself. However, as a child of the King, I know better. How blessed to have as the God our our salvation one who loves us flaws and all!
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Permalink Reply by Juline Bruck on -
I like this defintion - one person fighting is a tantrum. When you have the Lord fighting your battles, your opponents look juvenile.
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Permalink Reply by Tami on
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Makes sense to me, and anything that portrays the evil one in a poor light is all good!
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Permalink Reply by Martha L Shaw on
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Totally agree! I was just last night talking to a friend about the concept of light and darkness. It really is more "simple" than we tend to think. Our Lord will fight the evil one for us when we call on Him. As I told my friend, go into a dark room and turn on the light. The light, thus, has overtaken the darkness! When we give our battle with the enemy to the Lord, He is the Light that overtakes our darkness! How cool is that?
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Permalink Reply by Juline Bruck on
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I agree! Very cool, Martha.... one of the reasons why this discussion is posted is the twisting of the law that happens in this situation. The opponent holds you to a higher standard than for themselves. The focus is all on YOU! Their state of unlovingness is not under review at ALL. An effort to level the playing field usually results in open combat.
How to win? You mentioned how light penetrates. The truth illuminates. When the truth comes out, then all the rationalizations fail. One of the proverbs that I like is "A prince without people is ruined." I take that to mean if everyone leaves the tyrant, then the tyrant is left alone with the silence. Arguing with silence is pretty pointless. "Feet do your duty!" Voting with the feet is an effective means of dealing with foolish and hurtful people. If you are not there, they cannot disturb you.
For the time when this person is at my home, I can choose how much time to spend with him. I can also choose not to listen at times. That wonderful teen age ability to tune people out has adult applications....
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Permalink Reply by Martha L Shaw on
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So true. I find that when Mom gets negative and my attempts to talk her "out of it" are only making things worse, then silently praying is the answer. Sometimes it's "Lord forgive me and give me strength to get through this" and sometimes it becomes "please change my heart" when I find myself growing angry. You're right, though. When people like the one you're battling with are not "winning" by our falling victim to the trap they set, they will find themselves alone.
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Permalink Reply by Tami on
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In max's new book, Max on Life, page 7 has some discussion on this.
Romans 3:23 All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Max writes: "Simply put, we are not good enough to go to heaven.
So what can we do? Well, we can start doing good deeds. Perhanps if we do enough good deeds, they will offset our bad deeds. Then question then surfaces, how many good deeds do we need to do?"
Farther down: "Is God nothing more than a heavenly deal broker who barters packages of grace? . . . Is that the kind of God we have? It's certainly no tthe kind of God we read about in the Bible"
Thank you, God, for that! I wouldn't want to try and figure out how many "goods" I would need to accomplish to offset my "bads." There is no way that we could achieve it. So, to have someone living with me that operated that way would drive me batty. Jules, if you do this again, you are a much stronger person that me!
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Permalink Reply by Juline Bruck on
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Good mornin' Tami!
I'll tell ya -- what I'm finding out is that God's grace and blessings swallow up the curses of men(humanity). Front row seats to the handiwork of God. Another thing is that much of God's provisions come through relationship with people. Several people have been so good to me recently. In the war of the labels, I'm soaping myself up so nothing will stick!!!
What I love about what you selected for me today:
"The question then surfaces, how many good deeds do we need to do?" That sums it all very nicely indeed. If we are under grace, then we are not under the law. This whole accounting thing has been scrapped since 33 AD. It's amazing that folks living two thousand years later are still quoting chapter and verse. Grace. I have been forgiven. I have been released from the law and its requirements. I am free. I do not wish to use my freedom for messy, stinky powerplays. The kind of power that I am looking for is to be able to see my dreams (and God's dreams for me) in my hands.
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