My Testimony...

Some people come to Christ because it is how they were raised –

Some people come to Christ because someone “inspired” them –

I didn’t come to Christ…he came to me.

 

Back in June, you could say that I hit rock bottom.  My husband whom I adore…aside from his complications with his diabetes…was addicted to prescription pain killers and alcohol. He was was pretty much killing himself and I had done everything within my control to help him – and it wasn’t working…I was angry, frustrated, anxious, sad, tired, and truly broken beyond repair. 

 

I was such a mess (crying at work all the time) that my boss’s boss at work requested that I speak to a councelor.  I admitted to the counselor that I had absolutely no joy in life anymore, and that I had contemplated suicide more times within the last few years than I care to talk about…the counselor asked me why I didn’t just “leave” Carl…and I told him “because even though the addiction turned Carl into a stranger to me – someone I didn’t even like - every now and then I could still see the man I fell in love with and I couldn’t leave him, he needs me”…

 

Carl finally (when given no other option – because the doctor cut him off) – agreed to admit himself into rehab.  I thought this was the solution to all of my problems!!!  But NO!

 

When he got out of detox, my medical insurance would not cover inpatient treatment – so they sent him home – and I was worse than ever.  I obsessed about where he was, who he was with, was he drinking?  Was he doing drugs???  My sister-in-law noticed that I was in a really, really bad way – and she suggested al-anon.

In desperation – I went.  The first time I didn’t share because talking about it made me very emotional…I felt like no one even really knew that I was even there.

 

But I went again the following week…this time I shared my story.  I expected them to help me fix my husband – but instead they enlightened me to the nature of MY illness.  Some woman who I never met told me “Lori… if you don’t let go and let God…you’re going to end up killing yourself”…Truthfully I kinda thought it creepy that she knew that I had contemplated suicide – or at least she seemed like she did. (coincidence?) I “outwardly” thanked her – but inwardly I thought “You don’t even know my husband” (because I was still in denial and this was Carl’s problem…not mine).

Her words “Let go and let God” haunted me.  I heard them in my head all the time – from first thing in the morning – till I closed my eyes at night…(coincidence? I was beginning to wonder...)

 

Finally on a particularly bad day – I came home, went directly up in my room and fell to my knees in tears and I prayed.  I told God that I could not live one more day like this and my wish was for Him to either take me or help me.

I told Jesus that I was truly sorry for anything I ever did to offend Him (because now I was beggining to wonder and worry if I had pissed him off and was being punished) and then I pleaded with Him for His help.  I asked Him not to fix my life – but to PLEASE help ME to fix it.  I promised Him that I would do whatever it takes, but that I needed His guidance, I was lost – Jesus would have to find a way to let me know just what it was that He wanted from me.  And then I thanked Him for all of my many blessings…right about that time, I literally felt all my stress, anxiety, sadness, anger, pain and frustration leave my body…it was AMAZING!!! (coincidence? I was pretty sure that it wasn't and for all the people out there who don't believe in God - I am here to tell you...the IS A GOD!!!)

 

The next day – before I even had the chance to tell Carl about my prayer or the wonderful miracle that happened the night before, Carl suggested that he and I start attending church on Sundays…I happily agreed.  I also now had no doubt in my mind that this was not Carl speaking - but that this was God was speaking to me through Carl – He was telling that He wanted me to go to church. Carl and I agreed on Lifechurch in Allentown.

 

The first time we went, it was AWESOME.  HUGE congregation - Great worship service – very inspiring and the band was exquisite!  People were standing, hands in the air, singing praise…and it was an experience!  I left there feeling...well, different.

 

The 2nd Sunday we attended, one of the singers in the church band sat 2 seats down from me.  He was a big black man just oozing with spirituality.  During the scripture reading by the Pastor, he seen that Carl and I were without a Bible, he handed us his Bible to read with along with the Pastor.  What followed was life changing for me.

 

His Bible was HUGE just like him.  It had the softest black leather cover, the lettering was really big…and there was highlights, underlines and personal notations throughout…you could tell this guy treasured God's word and was spiritual beyond anything I could imagine at the time – and he knew his Bible cover to cover.

 

What stood out the most to me was that, as I read it – I clearly understood it.  It was not the King James Version that I always had (and never quite understood) – It was the American Standard Version – and it was “easy” to understand.  I was engrossed!  After the Pastor stopped reading – I continued.  I finally gave the man his Bible back and thanked him.  

 

Carl then asked the man where he got a Bible with such big lettering, Carl continued to tell him that his eyes were bad from his diabetes and that he had problems reading his Bible at home because print was so small – and the man who was a total stranger to us, seemed to see right through Carl’s “excuse” but he was awesome in his response and the way he handled it.  He handled it as though he were Jesus himself...The man (who was a stranger to us – or was he?) handed Carl his Bible and said, “Here…take this – it’s yours!” We adamantly refused – this was after all his treasured Bible, he could’ve given it to anyone, a family member, a friend…but he INSISTED THAT WE TAKE IT...(he was not taking no for an answer - God Bless him) saying “I have plenty of these…please…it has big lettering so you won’t have any reason not to read it”…we ended up taking it…and I read it all the way home.  We have come to know this man as Otis Gordon and he is now a good friend.  This day was a huge turning point in my life.

 

The following week Carl bought me my own Bible…I chose the New Living Translation.  I read the entire book of Genesis and Exodus in less than a week.

 

Somewhere around Exodus (the Ten Commandments) I realized I broke almost ALL of them – and that I was doomed to hell…I got scared and rightly so...

 

But my Christian facebook friend in England (Trish Cheetham - God Bless her) assured me that I was NOT damned to hell, that our God is a loving an forgiving God, and that he provided a way out and that way out was through Jesus Christ.  She suggested that I start with the book of John…and get out of the Old Testament for now…and I did.

 

 

Someone else (Mary Southerland of Girlfriends in God) also shared a “Prayer of Salvation” with me…and I prayed it.

 

I was starting to see that God was strategically placing people in my life to get me just where he wanted me.  I truly BELIEVE that the woman at Al-anon, Otis Gordon, my friend Trish, Mary Southerland...that they are all angels sent to me by God.

 

Carl was at Walmart and he bumped into yet another angel sent by God... Gary Saul who he worked with for 25 years at Spirax Sarco. 

 

Back when Carl worked with Gary,  Gary was very spiritual and Carl...well, he was a womanizing partier – but as opposite as they were – they were GREAT friends!  Gary told Carl that he is now a Pastor at Evangel Assembly of God in Perkasie.  Carl was so excited that he seen Gary and then asked me if I would want to go see his friend preach – I said “absolutely”…

 

We went to see Gary at his church in Perkasie.  It was a small church…the smallest I had ever seen, the total opposite of Lifechurch who’s congregation is in the hundreds…there were only about 12 people there…including the Gary, his wife, me and Carl…but everyone was so nice…and welcoming.  We were even invited to a dinner after the service at the people (Margie & Larson) who live next door.  How nice!  Margie and I have since become GREAT friends.  She calls me at work just to pray with me and sometimes just to tell me that she loves me.  <3 (another angel)

 

At home…I was reading the book of John…I was reading a lot about baptism by submersion…and again, I felt like God was telling me that this is what he wanted from me.  I expressed to Carl that dying to my old life of sin, being washed clean of my sin and starting a whole new life in Christ sounded like music to my ears…and he told me “I’m in!”

So we called Gary and asked him if he would perform the baptism.  I don’t know who was more excited about it – us or Gary…he was thrilled.  We set a baptism date of 10/10/10.  Our new Birthday.

 

Gary did ask us to think of something we would like to say, because he was going to ask us why we wanted to get baptized in front of the congregation.  I was sure I didn’t need to “think” of why - I knew why…I made a promise that I would do anything that God wanted me to do – and that is a promise I intend to keep.  But on our Baptism day – when it came time to speak – the words would not come.  It was such an emotionally charged day – even Pastor Gary was in tears.  Afterwards…one of the congregation members, Rich (another friend of Carl’s from Sarco) came to me and said “What you said up there…” and he thumped his heart, “I got it.”  I said  “What do you mean?  I didn’t say anything…I couldn’t speak!”  He said, “Lori…sometime words are not necessary…it is SO obvious how grateful you are to have your husband back.”  Wow...AMEN!!!

 

Since our baptism…I have been not only studying the Bible EVERY chance I get, but I have been applying it to my life.  I purchased yet another Bible - The New Living Translation Life Application Study Bible and it is truly the BEST thing I ever purchased...I LOVE IT!!!

 

I also watched a movie “the Passion of the Christ” which was life changing for me as far as being angry with anyone and holding grudges against people who have wronged me.  While the movie was a little too graphic for my taste – it put out a message LOUD & CLEAR…if Jesus could endure everything he endured before being crucified (you really have to see the movie, being nailed to the cross was probably the easiest thing Jesus did that day - they yelled at him, slapped him, punched him, they stripped him and whipped him with steel tipped whips until he fell to the ground, they then kicked him and spit on him, they made him carry his cross to the place where he was going to be nailed to it and they nailed him to it) – and as he hung on the cross, he said "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do"...and he forgave them…so who am I to hold a grudge??? 

 

My reasons to be angry with anyone seem so terribly small and totally senseless in comparison…and holding on to anger just hurts ME in the end.  And if I can't forgive - why should Jesus forgive me...a terrible sinner.

 

This movie really opened my eyes. It even prompted me to write my brother who I haven't spoken to in YEARS.  I apologized to him for anything I may have done that hurt him enough to make him hate me all these years.  I also told him that I loved him, and I missed him in my life.  I told him that if we never spoke again...I would still love him.  I never heard back from him - and that's okay.  It's not about me.

 

I am no longer scared of dying…I welcome the day when my Lord comes for me.

I pray often and about everything, and my prayers are not to ask God for things – but to PRAISE him for all he’s done.

I stayed at the church in Perkasie…it’s a 45 min. drive for me every Sunday – but I feel God brought me there for a reason…it’s his plan for me.

By God's Grace - Carl is still clean & sober and I have my husband - the man I fell head over heels in love with back and our marriage is STRONGER than ever.

 

I read my Bible EVERY chance I get – it is my #1 source of communication with Jesus…he speaks to me LOUD & CLEAR through his word.

 

I have made getting unsaved people saved a HIGH priority in my life.  If I can bring 1 LOST person back to Christ – I have accomplished a lot. Jesus is a shepherd...we are his sheep, if 1 of us is lost - he will not rest.  He  wants all of his sheep. 

 

I am taking online courses to further my knowledge of helping others.  It is most definitely in God’s plan for me to spread his word – and to do that – I not only need to be educated on His word – but I need to be educated on how to get through to people.

 

I have been transformed by God’s mercy and grace.  He took a horrible broken sinner (me), he put my pieces back together. When you are broken…who better to fix you then the God that created you?  This time however he “tweaked me”…he added some stuff…good stuff.  He gave me a purpose and His plan for my life.  How blessed am I?  Thank you Jesus!!!

 

My #1 purpose and plan is to bring as many people as I can back to Christ…and bring all Glory to God.

 

The words in this testimony – are the words Jesus has written on my heart. God Bless~

Praise God!

Lori Ann