Approval addict?
I don’t know about you, but me, I would love it if:
- others recognized my worth
- others gave me acceptance of who I am
- and what I have tried to do for myself and them.
And, if you are anything like me – ain’t hapnin’.
- I have read so many different articles/self-help guides on “kicking the approval habit.” - I am still working on it.
- I have been in counseling and have been told that others will never recognize my worth - stop trying to get it.
- I only ask to be treated as I treat others; I expect others to act and treat me as I act and treat them. Expectations - This is where I get into trouble.
- We are all different, all have free will. The thought processes I use to make my decisions are not the same that others would use to get to there.
- There is a saying, “the way to hell is paved with good intentions.” I keep intending to not let it bother me, and I know that, while others might not recognize and appreciate all that I do, I let myself get hurt.
- You cannot get into Heaven on good deeds!
And Jesus understood!
Matthew 13: 53-58
When Jesus had finished these parables, he moved on from there. Coming to his hometown, he began teaching the people in their synagogue, and they were amazed. "Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?" they asked. "Isn't this the carpenter's son? Isn't his mother's name Mary, and aren't his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas? Aren't all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?" And they took offense at him.
But Jesus said to them, "Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor."
And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.
I am by no means a prophet! This passage is important to me, as Jesus, in his hometown and among his own people, did not have his worth valued, did not receive acceptance. If He didn’t get it, why should I expect it?
Mark 6: 5-6 continues the above thought:
He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. And he was amazed at their lack of faith.
I am continually amazed at the lack of respect and caring that is displayed. A woman in a store I was in yesterday was hurt that the person in front of her at the pop bottle recycle machine believed that she would take the ticket from the machine for all the bottles the other person had put in.
John 6:41-43
At this the Jews began to grumble about him because he said, "I am the bread that came down from heaven." They said, "Is this not Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How can he now say, 'I came down from heaven'?"
"Stop grumbling among yourselves," Jesus answered.
We do grumble among ourselves, but does anyone try and affect a change? It can be really hard swimming up that stream to make a change, to make a difference. But, just because it is hard, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be trying.
And then Jesus’ family heard what was happening.
Mark 3:21
When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind."
To have your own family believe that you are out of your mind?!?
Galatians 1:10
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
This is the question that I must keep asking myself!
Matthew 12:47-49
Someone told him, "Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you."[a]
He replied to him, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers.
Matthew 10:36-38
a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'[a]
"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
Matthew 12:50
For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother."
I want to live my life as Jesus wants me to; that means surrounding myself with others doing the same thing. In this, I pick my mother, father, brothers and sisters, in Christ. I have Christ’s approval and love, and through him, and my selected family, I shouldn’t need any more. After all, “the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”
How about you?
Views: 6
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nathan Haddock on -
Great post Tami!! I can't speak for others but it is something I have always struggled with. I guess where I find myself now is realising that everything I do is for the glory of God. Any glory I accept is taking away from glory due to Him. Taking something that is not rightfully mine. I still find it extremely difficult though - the two times in my life when I've found it most difficult is when working for two Christian bosses. They would take much of the credit for my hard work. Now, when I don't get the glory and it goes to God that is tough, but when it goes to someone else I found that 100 time tougher!!
It's an area where I need to be continually challenged and indeed to challenge myself. In Max's new book Out Live Your Life he devotes a chapter to deflecting the glory onto God. It was a tough chapter for me to read but one which I so needed to take note of. Do seek it out when it is published. -
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Permalink Reply by Tami on -
I have it pre-ordered and can't wait to get it. I loved the first chapter that I read. It will be another in my "Lucado Library."
This has been noodling for awhile, and so God was trying to get me to realize so much with it. I worked it, and re-worked it, with Juline's help. I can only pray that it helps others while He is trying to help me.
Nathan Haddock said:Great post Tami!! I can't speak for others but it is something I have always struggled with. I guess where I find myself now is realising that everything I do is for the glory of God. Any glory I accept is taking away from glory due to Him. Taking something that is not rightfully mine. I still find it extremely difficult though - the two times in my life when I've found it most difficult is when working for two Christian bosses. They would take much of the credit for my hard work. Now, when I don't get the glory and it goes to God that is tough, but when it goes to someone else I found that 100 time tougher!!
It's an area where I need to be continually challenged and indeed to challenge myself. In Max's new book Out Live Your Life he devotes a chapter to deflecting the glory onto God. It was a tough chapter for me to read but one which I so needed to take note of. Do seek it out when it is published. -
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Permalink Reply by EMILY WAIRIMU MWANGI on -
i have to admit that everyone of us is indeed struggling with this thing. I have always thought it was kind of problem. the problem is that we really never get to hear what we want to hear and at some point it becomes annoying. so i too have to remind myself even when praying that it is for the glory of God and cast down continually every thought that tries to exhault itself. Great post.
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Permalink Reply by Tami Hanks on -
I have struggled with this for a very long time. I am reading a Max Lucado book, It's Not About Me. I am finding out when I make it all about God and His glory, then things start falling into place but, when I make it all about me, my life turns around and not for the good. I get depressed because I'm looking at me and not at JESUS. This is very much a snare to us humans and the devil loves to use it, whatever the devil can use to get our attention off of JESUS and onto ourselves he will use it.
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Permalink Reply by mia smith on -
Hi Sister Tami this is great post. I have been try to better my self endup OCD. Seems I thought I am doing better everything some how some body notce me. Untill I fined the BIBLE veres about it is not about me it is the CHRST who died for me and everybody. Finding the True motive about our self untill the in to the HIS living WORD. The BIBLE it self is living being to talk us everyday. More more read the BIBLE, I am nothig but sinner I am!!! Thanks to be GOD that HIS Mercy and Grace. Ttoday happen to be I was reading the Proverb21:2 , it tells me about GOD see our Heart. The Human Heart is hidin deep within, but yet HE konws about our Heart. Things that I learn through out the 20Years of Christian Life. "Just be still
Know that who GOD is." I tell to my self. Each time about me. Thank you for this post.bless you. <:>< mia.
Tami Hanks said:I have struggled with this for a very long time. I am reading a Max Lucado book, It's Not About Me. I am finding out when I make it all about God and His glory, then things start falling into place but, when I make it all about me, my life turns around and not for the good. I get depressed because I'm looking at me and not at JESUS. This is very much a snare to us humans and the devil loves to use it, whatever the devil can use to get our attention off of JESUS and onto ourselves he will use it. -
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Permalink Reply by Juline Bruck on -
THe timing on this post is spot on for me. To do the right thing strictly becasuse it is the right thing is a motivational hurdle that I regularly brick. From Phillip Yancey's "The Jesus I Never Knew".. he writes ' Jesus came, he told us, not to destroy life but that we might have it more abundantly, "life.. to the full." Paradoxically, we get this abundant life in ways we may not have counted on. We get it by investing in others, by taking courageous stands for justice, by ministering to the weak and needy, by pursuing God and not self. I would not dare feel pity for any of the people I have just mentioned, though all lived with hardship. For all of their 'sacrifices' they seem to me more fully alive not less. Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness get filled.
I'm had some empty-ing going on recently. The Enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy (and lie about it). God can use that theft to His glory. The loss wasn't physical. It wasn't an object that was taken. It was the peace and comfort in a relationship. The reason why this post is appropriate to me is that I needed the approval from that relationship. OR so I told myself. The whole reason why it's upsetting is that this relationship gave me a lot of approval. For now, it's gone. It may come back. I need to be ok.. whether it does or doesn't come back.
So thank you Tami for writing this. I'm grateful that God gave you that nudge to do this. -
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Permalink Reply by Jim Pokorny on
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Okay, I'll admit it. I'm human too. There is something inside us all that wants recognition or at least affirmation. It's tough, especially when it is negative. What's is our first response? Usually we get defensive. Again, we're human. The best I've been able to do is to tell myself...
Accept the compliment but give God the credit.
Accept the criticism (if it is constructive, use it), but don't let it ruin your life. I can pretty much guarantee that the one doing the criticizing moves on and forgets about it pretty quickly.
When you get neither, well, sometimes silence is deafening. When you've poured everything you have into something and no one says anything... remember that He has noticed.
By the way, I am very much a work in progress and as long as I draw breath, I will be.
Blessings, Jim -
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Permalink Reply by Shellie Fields on -
Its not the rewards and praise we get on Earth that really matter, but the rewards we will recieve in Heaven.....Jesus knows all you do, and that is what will matter in the end.....Keep in mind each good deed you do with your heart, God is smiling down on you and praising you from Heaven!
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Permalink Reply by Rosemarie Vest on -
Tami, you touched on our humaness, We all want to be recognized and valued. Sometimes as Jim stated so well, the silence is deafening. There's also another thought I'd like to share your way: God's glory and direction sometimes takes awhile. I left the Catholic faith and became a Methodist. For many years, some family thought I was doomed and many would not even speak to me. It was God that opened hearts and allowed them to accept who I've become and recognize we believe in the same God. I can now say with strong assurance "praise God" for leading me in the direction I am now going and for being able to share who I am and what I believe without hostility. Thanks for a reflective post. Blessings, Rose
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Permalink Reply by Donna King on -
Tami, This is a great post!!! Like Jim said....I am only human. I like to have approval also. It doesn't happen every day. and yes, I get disapproval at times.....I try to let them go, but sometimes you can only think about them for awhile. Pray to God to throw them away and maybe learn from them. As long as you are trying to live your life the way that Jesus would like you to do.......then you are doing what He wants. You will get His approval. Psalm 128:2 says ...."You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours." Also think about this....."Lord you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us." Isaiah 26:12.
Tami, there are so many people out there who have no faith whatsoever. We can only be ourselves and try to please our Creator. Sure we can't always do that,,,,,we are all sinners. But we sure can try!!! "I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Philippians 3:13.
Keep striving Tami for....."A longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12 You long to be accepted....well the people in this community accept you....for being you....and for you being a child of Jesus Christ.
As your relationship with Christ Jesus gets stronger..."You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours." Psalm 128:2
I think this has been a great post because you got a lot of people thinking.....and you should give the Glory to God!!!
May God Bless you today and always,
Donna -
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Permalink Reply by Tami on
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As I posted earlier, this has been going around in my head for some time, and so He was pushing me to put something together, to try and lign my thoughts and understand what I was feeling and what I needed to do with it. I wouldn't have been able to do this on my own, I had divine guidance and urging!
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Permalink Reply by Desiree on -
Tami, this is a great post! I have to agree with Jim, "I am work in progress" and with that comes knowing that our Father is taking the care and time to work on those things or characteristics that have hindered our progress and closeness to Him. You are so right the only approval or assurance we need is from our loving Father!
Keep those posts coming, Tami!
God bless and thank you for sharing! : ) -
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